I’m in a very unusual and mood right now. I’m tired and irritated. I feel like everything around me is annoying, which doesn’t make sense because I’m pretty much surrounded by good things.
I haven’t written anything in over a month. First it was because of fantasy baseball prep. Then it was because of being lazy, lately it’s because I’m back in the gym and it saps me of so much energy that I feel like I have nothing to give.
Anybody who’s seen me lately can tell that I’ve packed on plenty of pounds since moving into my new job last year. A month ago I found myself only 70 pounds away from my heaviest and decided enough was enough. So I got a membership to the powerhouse gym and I’ve been going 3 times a week ever since.
On top of that, I’ve been forcing myself to make better eating choices. I’ve increased protein intake, decreased the fried foods and junk foods, upped the water and increased the veggies and fiber. I think that the everyday decision making is the part that draining me more than anything else right now. Sure the workouts are hard and you don’t see results early on (unless you start out skinny to begin with), but they are nothing compared to the willpower it takes to choose grilled chicken and green beans over fried chicken and extra biscuits.
I feel like I started this effort with a full tank of willpower and that it’s been getting drained slowly, with every good decision. Now I’m sitting on empty and fighting myself to keep from sabotaging the progress that I’ve made.
I can tell you, when you feel tired like I feel right now it’s easy to let it seep into other areas of your life. All of a sudden work is harder, you don’t want to do anything, you just want to sit and rest, but you can’t because then you get restless because you’re not doing anything.
So, I forced myself to write this tonight so that I accomplished something before going to bed, even if all it is a bunch of crybaby complaining.