Category Archives: Relationships

Paying It Backward

I was at home doing my homework on a recent Saturday when I was struck by inspiration. I can say with certainty that the resulting idea is one of the best I’ve ever come up with. I know this to be true because of the great potential for it has for making people happy and the utter lack of self-gratification that it involves. Most of the rest of this blog talks about how the idea came to me, if you want to skip straight to the idea feel free to jump down to the last couple of paragraphs. But first, let me encourage you to share this message via your choice of social media sites. I’ve never asked anyone to share an article before and I probably won’t ever do it again. But I believe that we can make the world a little bit brighter if this message gets out to enough people. Read the rest of this entry

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Love – Mature and Immature

I spent some time this week reflecting on my relationship with my wife. We’ve been married since September of 2007 (9/22 to be precise, back off ladies!). I’ve noticed an irritating occurrence that happens whenever I tell a married person how long we’ve been married. Without fail I’m told how short 4 years is with a tone that implies that I don’t have any idea what marriage is really like. It’s as if people think there is a set of experiences that occur in marriage only after you’ve been married 10 years and then another set at 15, 20, etc.

I suppose it’s a typical piece of conventional wisdom. It’s standard for a long term relationship to follow a standard relationship model that begins with infatuation and ends sitting quietly on a porch with no need for words because the shared experiences have long since overwhelmed the need for chitchat to fill the silence. Along that path people realize at some point that their partner isn’t perfect, that physical beauty fades away and that relationships require far more effort than was ever described in the fairy tales and story books. Read the rest of this entry

Taking Birthdays Seriously

This week at work I committed a terrible faux pas. I made a big deal out of my boss’s upcoming birthday. Nothing wrong with that, but the thing that I didn’t know was that the same day was actually another teammate’s birthday. So there I was talking up something that was a few days in the future and unintentionally ignoring my teammate. When I found out that it was her birthday I felt terrible. Of course I apologized and tried to make up for it but I still felt bad.

I didn’t always feel strongly about birthdays. It was my 21st and 22nd birthdays that changed things. There’s not much to tell about my 21st birthday. It came and passed just like it was any other day. At least, that’s how it appeared to me. 21st birthdays are one of those key birthdays that you expect magical things to happen. I can’t remember everything about it, but I remember where I was that night. I was sitting on my bed when the door closed, sobbing into the telephone with my mother on the other end. Those of you who know me well probably realize how unusual that is (and that’s not even taking into account how unusual it is for me to be on a phone to begin with). Read the rest of this entry

The Effect of Weight Loss on My Personality

To make a friend, you have to be a friend. It’s a simple statement isn’t it, almost cliché. But it’s as true today as it was the first time it was uttered. When I think about friendship that is the quote that sticks in my mind closest to the surface. My future wife used to smack me with this quote every time I described myself acting like a jerk to somebody. She didn’t understand why I felt the need to be so doggoned mean to people.

Unfortunately I’m not exaggerating; I used to pride myself on being able to identify the types of comments that would hurt people the most. I would keep them in reserve in case I ever needed them. Yes, I know it’s deranged. It was around this time that I lost my weight. It’s easy to point at it like an event, but it’s really a process. Losing 175 pounds took me roughly a year and half. That year and a half had a profound influence on the way that I look at the world today. Read the rest of this entry

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